


Pathetically

by Tonystarkisaslut



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst without a happy ending, Character Death, Cheating, M/M, Sadness, Warnings change per chapter, breaking up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:15:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23624473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tonystarkisaslut/pseuds/Tonystarkisaslut
Summary: Grace’s late night pathetic bitch syndrome is back at it again bois. A series of unconnected angst mini works.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 5
Kudos: 37





	1. It Doesn’t Hurt (It Hurts)

**Author's Note:**

> Please don’t read this if you’re easily triggered. This is a result of me being emo late at night.

“It doesn’t hurt,” Peter whispers to himself. “It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t hurt.”

He was hit by a train. He’s _died_. He’s been beat up by countless bad guys, including Thanos. He had a building collapsed on him. He watched his uncle die in his arms.

“This doesn’t hurt.”

Peter looks in the mirror, hating what he sees. He fucking hates himself. Why does he have to be like this?

“This doesn’t hurt. I don’t hurt. It doesn’t hurt.”

Peter shakes but leaves the bathroom, sitting on his bed.

“It doesn’t hurt,” Peter tried to convince himself.

But it does. It does hurt. It’s almost physical, in his chest.

“It doesn’t-“

It tingles. It’s like a pressure, right in the middle of his chest.

“It-“

Almost as much as the pressure behind his eyes from trying not to cry.

“It-“

And yeah, maybe Peter is over reacting. Maybe Peter is blowing it out of proportion. Maybe he’s being a little bitch baby. Maybe-

“Doesn’t-“

Maybe he’s just an annoying little kid. Maybe no one wants him around. Maybe no one likes him. Maybe they’re all just being nice to him. Poor Peter Parker, no one likes him. We can pretend to like him, right? Just be nice to him. Even though he’s so fucking annoying.

“It doesn’t hurt-“

Maybe this is it. They’ve all finally decided they can’t pretend to like him anymore. They can’t put up with him anymore.

Maybe he really is alone, now.

“It _hurts_.”


	2. I’m Sorry, Did I Hurt Your Feelings?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ned maybe takes it a bit too far. Maybe. Probably. Nahhhh.

“Why do I even try?!”

Peter’s breath hitches. He turns, looking at Ned with wide eyes. “What?”

“Why do you have to be so fucking difficult, Peter? This shit is so simple!”

Peter swallows thickly, shaking his head a bit. “Ned-“

“No, listen to me. You’re so god damn _annoying_! You never listen to me. I’m not just a stupid side kick!”

Peter shakes his head faster. “I never said-“

“God, you’re too stupid to follow one fucking order, aren’t you?” Ned’s eyes are so full of anger Peter doesn’t even recognize him. “Annoying, stupid, suck up. You’re never going to be an Avenger, don’t you get that? You’re not big shit, you’re not! You aren’t special, you aren’t playing with the big dogs.”

Peter takes a step back. “Stop-“

“You’re just an annoying little kid they have to make sure doesn’t die on their watch. That’s all you are, Peter. You think you’re special just because of that stupid spider? You’re not. If you were special, if you were _worth_ it, you would have saved your uncle.”

Peter’s jaw clamps shut so fast he’s sort of worried that he might have broken some teeth. His face floods with hurt, but Ned doesn’t look guilty. He looks even more angry than before.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I hurt your feelings? Boo hoo, Parker. Wake up and smell the roses. You’re just a broken, tag along, annoying, loser! No one wants to be your friend. The Avengers only tolerate you; hell, Tony Stark won’t even answer your damn calls. You drove MJ away because you’re too weird even for _her_ , the only other person who pays attention to you is your bully; I’m all you have! And you keep blowing me off, you keep treating me like I’m always going to be here, like I’m your personal safety blanket!”

“Isn’t that what a best friend is?” His voice breaks as tears fall down his cheeks. “Someone who is always-“

“Cut the bullshit, Peter.” he scoffs, turning to the door and throwing it open. “We’re done, I’m not dealing with you anymore.” The door slams behind him.

Peter sobs brokenly, and he staggers a step back. He falls onto the couch, sitting and staring at the door.

What the hell did he do to deserve that? Not just to have those things said, but said by his best friend, by _Ned_?

Broken. Tag-along. Annoying. Not good enough. Not worth it. Loser. Alone. Everyone secretly hates him.

It was like Ned wrote down a list of all the things Peter hates about himself and used it as a check list just now.

Peter puts his head in his hands, finally breaking down into sobs.

He always thought to himself, all these things he hates about himself, they aren’t true. They’re just his anxiety talking or something.

But if _Ned_ said them. They _have_ to be true. He wouldn’t say those things if he didn’t truly believe them.

And now he doesn’t know what to do. He can’t cry about it to Ned. Obviously. He can’t tell May. He shouldn’t tell MJ. _You even drove MJ away with_ \- He can’t call Mr. Stark - _won’t even take your damn calls_ \- He can’t go to the Avengers - _tolerate you at best_ \- He can’t ask Ben. He’s dead. Because Peter couldn’t save him.

Peter breaks down there, the words swimming around his head. And he can’t get over that it was _Ned_. Someone he trusted. Someone he loved. Someone he thought would always love him and-

And he just doesn’t. Or maybe he does. But if he does, that hurts even more. Because you would have to really, _really_ mean those words to say them to someone you love.

He curls into a ball on his bed, deciding he has no other options than to cry himself to sleep. Alone. Like he always will be.


	3. Was Tony Ever Enough?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve left Tony for Bucky, but he still loves Tony.

“Why are you here, Steve?” Tony asks, rubbing at his forehead in exasperation.

Steve winces, looking at his hands folded on the table. “I… I missed you. I wanted to see you again.”

Tony grits his teeth, taking a sip of his scotch. “Yeah, I’m sure you do. All that leaving me for Barnes must be so hard on you,” he says bitterly.

Steve winces again, as if he had been punched. “I’m sorry, Tony. I really am. I-I had hoped we could be friends-“

“And what, exactly? Force me to watch you kiss him on the couch? Be the third wheel on date nights? Watch you be in love with someone else? Have the reminder that I never was and never will be enough!?”

Steve winces at each question, wishing more and more a hole would open up and swallow him through the floor. “I’m sor-“

Tony laughs brokenly, refilling his glass. “Just go away. Please. Please, for the love of god, just leave me alone. I can’t- cant you see how much you’re hurting me?” He doesn’t pause when Steve winces again, just keeps going. “What, is breaking my heart once not enough for you? Gotta come back and pour some salt in my wounds? Dig your knife a little deeper in my back? Not going to stop until I’m dead?”

Steve tears up, starting to back away to the door. “I’m sorry. You’re right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I’m so- I’m so sorry Tony. I didn’t… I never wanted to hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

Tony lets him go, going back to his bottle. God it hurts. It hurts so much. So fucking much.

Why isn’t he good enough? Why wasn’t he good enough? 5 years to get over Bucky, 5 years of dating Tony, 5 years of moving on… And it all goes away, because Barnes shows up again.

He fucking hates himself. Maybe if he had been better to Steve. Maybe if he made Steve forget better.

Did Steve ever love him? Or was Tony just a distraction? An attempt to get over a man dead 70 years? Did Steve ever mean it, when he said Tony had his heart? Or did he add ‘and Bucky too’ when he said it? Or was it all lies?

If Tony was better, would Steve still be with him?


	4. It Isn’t Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May Dies

It isn’t _fair_.

He wants to blame someone, but who can he possibly blame? It was an accident. It wasn’t May’s fault. It wasn’t the driver’s fault. It isn’t something Peter could have prevented.

It isn’t _fair_.

He didn’t get to say goodbye. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye, he didn’t think he would _have_ to say goodbye yet.

He wasn’t ready to never see her again. He wasn’t prepared to live without her. He wasn’t ready yet, he wasn’t preparing himself! He wasn’t _ready!_

It ain’t _fair_!

He deserved to get to say goodbye! He deserved to see her, to hold her! He deserved to prepare himself!

There was so many things he didn’t get to do yet. He didn’t get May to walk him down the isle. He didn’t get to introduce his kids to her. He didn’t-

_It isn’t fair!_

_**It’s not fair!** _

Wednesday afternoon, at 3:07 pm on April 15, Peter Parker recieved the news his aunt, May Parker, had died earlier that day on her way to work. She was hit by a car that slid on black ice; invisible and deadly. It crushed her. They told him it’s likely she died on impact, meaning she didn’t suffer. But they don’t know. Either way, she was dead when the police arrived.

Peter Parker has to learn to live without May Parker. But he wasn’t ready yet. He hadn’t been preparing himself yet.

He was robbed of his right to say goodbye. Of his right to hold her hand, to tell her he loved her. He didn’t get to say goodbye.

What hurts worse, he wonders? Not being able to say goodbye to who he loved, who cared for him and made him who he is? Or does knowing he has to move on from her, live without her hurt more?

It isn’t fair.


	5. Omegaverse angst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter has a stillborn daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stillborn, teenage pregnancy, mentions of past rape

Peter stares down at the baby in his arms, smiling like he’s never been happier in the whole rest of his life.

“Peter,” May whispers. “Peter-“

Peter holds his baby closer to his chest, petting her soft head. “She’s beautiful,” he says, smiling up at May, eyes alight with happiness. “Isn’t she beautiful?”

May smiles sadly and nods. “She is, Peter. She’s beautiful. Just like you.”

Peter giggles and blushes, cooing at his baby girl and kisses her head softly. “She doesn’t look anything like her daddy,” Peter says happily. “That piece of-“

“You’re right Peter,” May says.

Peter looks down at his gorgeous girl, smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. “I’m keeping her. She’s perfect. She’s my baby.”

May sighs and looks away. “You can’t afford her. _I_ can’t afford her.”

“May-“

“Peter, wake up.”

“I’m serious! I’ll do what it takes to keep her, I-“

“Wake up, Peter.”

“I’m keeping her! I can do it, I can-“

“Peter!”

Peter jolts awake, eyes wide with fear. He looks around, whimpering. “May?”

May pets Peter’s hair. “We have to get you to the hospital, Peter.”

Peter touched his stomach, relaxing when he feels his baby bump. May didn’t make him give her up. Not yet, anyway. Wait-

“What? Why?”

“You’re bleeding, Peter.”

~

Peter stares down at the baby in his arms, smiling like he’s never been more broken in the whole rest of his life.

“Peter…”

Peter holds his baby closer to his chest, petting her soft head. “She’s beautiful,” he says, looking up at May, eyes filled with tears. “Isn’t she beautiful?”

May smiles sadly and nods. “She is, Peter. She’s beautiful. Just like you.”

Peter sobs, turning back to his baby girl. His baby girl that he doesn’t even get to keep. And not because May took her away.

He can’t even blame the knot head that raped him for this, like he has everything else.

“I had one job,” Peter whispers, tears spilling over and down his cheeks.

“Don’t, Peter, don’t do that to yourself.

“Why not?!” Peter screams, cradling his baby to his chest. “All I had to do was carry her until she was ready for the world, isn’t that what you always said?!”

May winces. “Yes, but that isn’t what I meant-“

“All I had to do was keep her inside me, until she was ready. Keep her _safe_. Keep her-“ Peter sobs, looking down at his baby girl. She’s so pale. She’s so-

“She’s so beautiful,” Peter sobs, petting her face and kissing the top of her head.

“Peter…”

Peter smiles down at her, touching their noses together. “I love you, baby girl. I’m so sorry I failed you. I’m so sorry I couldn’t keep you. I’m-“ he sobs, clutching her closer.

May stands, a hand on Peter’s shoulder. “Come on, Peter. Give her to me. Let me see her.”

Peter shakes his head. “No, you’ll take her from me!”

“Peter please, they need to get her ready. Come on. Please Peter.”

Peter screams, howls like he’s being murdered. And it feels like he is, as May steals his baby girl from him. It feels worse than being murdered.

He screams as she’s taken away. He howls as the doctors check on him. He wails as they pump him full of sedatives.

He screams in his dreams, where they can’t stop him, and where Peter can hold his baby girl again.


	6. I Couldn’t Do It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets hurt because of Peter

“Irresponsible, arrogant, selfish-“

Peter whimpers, tears cascading down his face. He deserves this, deserves every single word being thrown in his face. But it still _hurts_.

“ _Unbelievably_ stupid, dangerous, reckless-“

Peter shakes his head, lower lip still wobbling. “I’m so sor-“

“Did you think at _all_?! Or were you too busy fantasizing about being smarter than Captain America to-“

“I said-“

“You’re the reason Tony is going to die!” Steve screams at him. “If you had listened to me, he would be…” Peter is sure Steve keeps ranting at him, but he can’t hear any of it. Tony is going to die, and it’s _all_ his fault. 

_“Spider-Man, get the citizens out of the city safely. Help the cops.” Steve had ordered._

_“On it!” Peter had cried, swinging his way to and fro to help pedestrians out of burning and collapsed buildings. He saved a little girl from a robot falling on her. He helped direct the flow of traffic of panicked people so they didn’t trample over each other._

_And then-_

_“I’m in a bit of a pickle, Cap, you think you can-“ Tony was cut off before he could even finish._

_“Who’s closest to Ironman?” Steve had called into the coms._

_Peter had looked around, saw Tony. “I am! I’m going in, he’s-“_

_“Stay low Spider-Man, I need you on the ground. Widow?”_

_“I’m kinda busy he-“ she had cut off with a grunt and a wince inducing thud._

_“Falcon? You got him?” Cap had asked, his own thuds splicing in._

_“I’m no where close, other side of the city. You gotta go for him yourself man,” Sam has managed before he had had to deal with his own giant robot battle._

_“Ironman, what do you-“_

_Tony had gasped loudly, being slammed into a wall by a metal arm. “I need back up ASAP!”_

_“I can do it!” Peter had cried, already swinging that way._

_“No, Spider-Man, you-“_

_Peter had told Karen to mute Steve, and kept swinging to Tony._

“Hey, don’t run away from me!” Steve yells after Peter. “We still have mission debrief, and…” again, his voice fades out from Peter’s mind, but this time because he’s swinging away.

He falls down next to Tony’s bedside, listening to the monitors beeping that signify he’s at least still alive.

_“Spider-Man, you shouldn’t disobey Cap-“ Tony had said once he noticed Peter following him._

_“I can do it!” Peter had repeated, starting by slinging webs at the robot’s face to distract it. “Get out Mr. Stark, I’ll distract it and you can repulse it after!”_

_But Tony hadn’t. Because the thing, instead of letting go, squeezed its hand and crushed Tony._

_“No!” Peter had screamed, throat hurting and eyes stinging._

And now Tony is here, bones crushed and bleeding internally stopped. _For now_. They don’t think he’s going to make it. His injuries are too severe, he was without oxygen for too long.

Tony Stark is dead, and it’s all Peter’s fault.

“I couldn’t do it, Mr. Stark,” Peter whispers, not daring to touch his hand. It’s so _broken_ … everything about Tony is broken.

Because Peter was too stupid to listen to Steve.

_“If you had just listened to me, you would have known that we knew it would happen. It’s a fail safe built into the robots. If it seems like they’re going to lose, they compact in order to shut down.”_

_“I’m sorry, Mr. Rogers, I didn’t know-“_

_“No, you didn’t know! Because you muted me and didn’t listen to my fucking orders!”_

_“I thought I could help, everyone else was-“_

_“You can’t! You can’t help, you can’t do anything right! Tony was **stupid** to recruit you, to make you an Avenger. You’re benched, Parker, until I can legally get you off the team.”_

Peter sobs, curling into a ball. He wants to _die_. He doesn’t want to be the one on this side of the bed. He wants to be the one crushed, the one dying. He wants Mr. Stark _safe_.

“I couldn’t do it, I’m so sorry,” he says.

_“You shouldn’t be so hard on him, Steve,” Peter had heard Natasha whisper. Peter was ‘asleep’ in the chair next to Tony’s bed. “He’s just a kid. A kid who’s about to lose the **third** father figure in his life.”_

_“And who’s fault is that?” Steve had hissed back. “I bet he’s the reason his parents and his uncle died too. He probably did something stupid and reckless then too, and got them killed.”_

_Natasha made a tsking noise. “You don’t mean that, and when you get your head back you’re going to hate yourself for even thinking it, let alone saying it out loud.”_

_“He’s a sleep anyway,” Steve had said back, but sighed. “I’m sorry. I just…yeah, he’s just a kid. A kid who got Tony killed. And now I’ll never get to-“ Steve had started sobbing then, and Peter had felt his own silent tears fall down his face._

_“Go get some sleep, Rogers. I’ll watch them for you. I’ll get you if Tony wakes up.”_

Peter shakes his head, lower lip trembling. He’s about to lose _everything_. He has no family left; Steve was right. He was stupid and reckless and he got every single one of them killed. Tony, the only person who cares about him anymore, is dying right in front of him. He isn’t going to be an Avenger anymore. They probably won’t let him be Spider-Man at all. If Steve has anything to say about it… killing someone’s husband isn’t exactly a good way to stay in their good graces.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark. I love… I love you. I’m so sorry.”

He leaves, before he can do any more damage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He lives, btw. Tony doesn’t die.


	7. I Think Something Happened To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: non consensual drug use, off screen non-con, aftermath. Peter is 21.

Peter giggles loudly, stumbling through the penthouse and making a ruckus.

Tony turns the lights on, frowning, wiping the sleep from his eyes. “Pete?”

Peter swoons, tripping his way over to his boyfriend. “Hiiiii daddy!”

Tony rolls his eyes, smiling fondly. “So you had a good time, I see?”

Peter nods, beaming. “Yeaaaaah! MJ and Ned kept giving me sooooo many drinks.”

Tony shakes his head, laughing. He starts bringing his boyfriend to the bedroom. “See, aren’t you glad an old man like me didn’t slow you down? Told you you would have more fun without me there.”

Peter giggles more and nods. “Danced with sooo many strangers daddy. And-and one nice man drove me home!”

Tony frowns at that. “You didn’t get Ned and MJ home?”

He shakes his head. “Lost ‘em. But he was so nice daddy, lemme pass out in the back of his car an’ drove me here.” He helps Tony strip himself down to just boxers. “Sleepy, daddy.”

Tony smiles and kisses the top of his head. “Ok hun. Go to sleep.” Tony watches him fall asleep, before he lets his worry show. Getting a ride home from a stranger? Losing his friends? Being _this_ drunk with Peter’s super metabolism?

But he checks Peter over, sees he doesn’t have any bruises on his arms or thighs. And he wasn’t _acting_ like someone who had been hurt. He was acting like someone who had a really good time out.

Maybe Tony is just too paranoid, too protective. Being Iron Man is getting to him.

He shakes his head and turns out the lights, cuddling his boyfriend back to sleep.

~

When Peter wakes up, it doesn’t hit him all at once. The only thing he knows is his head _hurts_. “Tony…?”

Tony let’s Peter’s hair back. “Hey baby boy. You were so drunk last night, I know you must have one hell of a hang over. Here, drink this water and take these pills. Friday, lights down to 10%.”

As Peter drinks, lets the medicine work, and eats something at Tony’s insistence, it still doesn’t hit. It doesn’t hit until Peter is in the shower, actually.

He’s washing himself, when he reaches around and feels that his hole is—

Not clean.

Which is not normal. He’s _sure_ Tony wouldn’t have fucked him when Peter was that high… right? Tony is super big on consent and everything.

And then it hits.

He wasn’t drunk at all. He had one cup of beer, before a dude showed up and bought him a new drink. He danced with the man, getting more and more…high. Those were the only two drinks he had.

He remembers MJ and Ned dancing, and the man offering to take him home. Peter was too wasted to say no, he couldn’t even talk.

He remembers laying down in the back of the man’s car and then the man-

Peter tears up, hands shaking.

He steps out of the shower, not grabbing a towel or turning the water off. He drips his way to the living room, where Tony is.

Tony looks up, a small smile on his face before he does a double take, standing up. “Peter?”

Peter must look crazy. Shampoo in his hair, dripping water everywhere, butt naked. A broken expression on his face, tears in his eyes.

“Peter?” Tony whispers, stepping closer slowly. Like Peter is a baby deer that might run away. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

Peter’s lower lip trembles, and his voice comes out broken and scratchy. “I think something happened to me.”


	8. I’m So Fucking Lonely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: suicidal thoughts

Peter hugs his legs, staring at his phone. No new messages. No new messages for the past three days.

He opens his phone, looking at his text messages.

**Steve Saturday**

_Why don’t you want me to come to training today? Everyone else is there?_

**MJ Friday**

_I think I need help._

**Ned Thursday**

_I’m not doing so good…_

**May Thursday**

_I love you, May! Thought you might wanna hear <3_

**Mr. Stark Thursday**

_I’m coming in today, do you care what time?_

**Wade Wednesday**

_I mean they might be busy, but I just feel like at least one of them would have texted back by now, right? Maybe I should text them again…_

Peter rubs at his face. A small, stupid part of him wonders if his messages aren’t sending. Forget the _sent_ at the bottom of the bubbles, surely they would have texted back by now. _Someone_ would have noticed by now.

Why doesn’t anyone see how desperate he is?

**Flash 11:57**

_Do you still hate me? Just checking._

Peter winces as he gets an immediate affirmation from his high school bully.

He stares out of his apartment window. He’s been so lonely since he moved out of May’s place.

He’s so god damn lonely.

He shuts his phone off, thunking his head against the window.

**_No one would miss me._ **

He clenches his eyes shut as the thought flits through his mind. “No,” he whispers outloud.

_**I could jump. I could jump right now, and no one would miss me. I wonder if they would even notice I’m gone.** _

“They would,” he whispers, scratching at his thighs. “They would miss me.”

_Maybe they would. But how long would it take them to notice I’m dead? A week? A month? How long of no communication from me would it take for them to notice something is missing?_

“They’re just… busy. They’re busy, everyone is busy.”

_I’m busy too. I still text them. Why am I texting when they can’t?_

“I’m not the center of the universe,” he says, opening his eyes and looking out the window. “MJ gets sad too. She’s probably really sad too. And Ned has family stuff. I bet his mom took him on another vacation. They’re just busy. That’s all.”

_Yeah, I’m not the center of the universe. I’m not the center of anything. No one cares about me, and no one would miss me if I kill myself._

Peter steps away from the window, flopping down on his bed. “Maybe,” he whispers. “Maybe that’s right.”

He checks his phone. No new messages.

“Maybe that’s right.”


End file.
